Restlessness

I saw you walking down the road, after ages, I know you wouldn't even recognize me but just seeing you brought all the memories back for me. The way you used to smile at my jokes, the way you used to make me feel in your arms, the way you used to make a cup of tea in the morning and wake me up with your beautiful smile, the way we used to fight for TV, the way you used to mumble when you were nervous.

I still remember that night which brought an end to this beautiful dream, when I came home early and saw you lying on the sofa with a beautiful smile, I was so happy to see you home early and was about to call to you when I realized that the smile was not for me but for someone in the kitchen. So you have invited your friends over and you forgot to tell me, you will pay for this at night I think to myself playfully. But the friend turns from the kitchen table and then I realised who the smile was for. She was stunning but my eyes could only see you smiling at her and not me.

Then I realized the true meaning of hurt. I felt like everything was spinning around me, the whole scene repeating in front of my eyes. The way you looked at her when she turned to look at you from the kitchen where I used to make dinner for you. The way you smiled at her the way you used to smile at me, the way you sat with her on the sofa as you used to sit with me. I was seeing someone else at my place. I just couldn't face the scene and ran back out the door to safety. I was not ready to face something like that.

I thought to myself that may be I was dreaming, maybe it was just a friendly gesture. I am making a lot out of nothing. I just told myself to react normally, I went in at my usual time and you turned to me with the same beautiful smile, but to me something was missing. It was the same smile as you don't know that I know but my mind had started playing games. You were the same to me, caring, loving, and playful but I was not the same. Those 5 min has made me a different person. Even if I want to I couldn't behave the same way. I just kept seeing her at my place. And slowly we started drifting apart.

Now I can’t help but replay the scene when I saw you with somebody else, If only I had barged in and confronted you. What if I had come inside and shouted at you. Had made you explain your actions. And why I didn't do it? 

Because I was scared, that my beautiful dream will end. So I was more in love with the dream than with you. You were my dream but my dream was not you. I was scared to accept that and I am restless now after seeing you. I walk up to you to say hello and you look at me. I was wrong that you won’t recognize me. You smiled at me, and it was the same smile. You hugged me and I could feel your heart. You were the same to me again and then I saw somebody coming behind you and that smile was gone as it was not for me anymore.